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Author TR: SFA. Oh, the humanity!
Timberman
Posts: 845
Registered: 9/21/2004

Rank: Gold Critic
9/1/2008 1:03:16 PM
Dateline Prince Georges County, MD, 30 July 2008

For several months now the Timber family'..s deep-discount Six Flags season passes have been gathering dust, but we finally found our way today to our de facto home park, Six Flags America, crown jewel of Largo, MD.

As is so often the case at Six Flags, it was a weird day. The weather was humid and overcast, with the omnipresent threat of thunderstorms. A "..Code Orange".. weather alert had been issued, which means that 10 minutes of breathing the local air is roughly equivalent to smoking a Camel Light. Code Orange sucks, because while you'..re still incurring lung, skin, and eye damage, you don'..t get the free bus rides of the Code Red days, nor do you get to watch pigeons fall from the skies and flap about drunkenly in the town square.

Anyway, our party arrived around 1600 hrs after an early day at the office to light crowds and easy parking. Upon entering the park, however, I immediately sensed a strange feeling of decay and torpor enveloping the Main Street promenade. Perhaps the only surprising thing about this to SFA veterans would be my use of the adjective "..strange.".. However, the feeling was something more than the usual lethargy and indifference that seem to characterize this park. We actually had several pleasant visits last year, and I was beginning to think that maybe Snyder & Co. had somehow managed to rally the troops out of their typical, seething passive aggressiveness. Alas, such was not the case today. Passive aggressiveness actually would have been an improvement, as it would have shown a bit of human spark or attitude. Instead, the listlessness on display this afternoon sunk below discontent or boredom into the nether regions of resignation and defeat. It was annoying in the way that any bad customer service experience is annoying, but more then that, it was actually distressing to be in the midst of such apparent human misery. Even though I was the one who had paid to have fun, an elemental sense of human compassion made me feel like I should be doing something to cheer up the staff.

Yet somehow in the midst of this atmosphere of desolation, I experienced the very best roller coaster rides I have had to date at SFA. Wild One, Roar, even Joker'..s Jinx were all flying, as if the rides had managed to siphon off and inhabit the youthful vitality that was so noticeably absent in the staff. The 90 seconds or so between the interminable dispatches were an oasis of mirth and exuberance in what otherwise seemed a rather grim test of human endurance. For those precious moments, Six Flags was alive with airtime and vibrant, joyous speed.

To be fair to the attendants, these kids work in abominable weather for low wages with an often rowdy, occasionally belligerent clientele. I'..m not saying the job is an easy one. I also saw at least one admirable customer service moment when an attendant who was striding along at what appeared to be clock-out pace stopped and doubled-back to a woman who was snapping photos of her daughter. Without prompting, he then offered to take a picture of both of them together. What seized him, I don'..t know, but I was impressed by this simple act of decency and attentiveness. Here was a young man that could somehow imagine that a moment at the very place that seemed to signal so much drudgery for so many employees could nevertheless be worth preserving for a mother and daughter.

Around 1855 hrs, as we headed to Batwing to brave the nine minute dispatches and single-train operation, I glanced south and noticed that the haze overhanging the park had suddenly blossomed into full-blown smoke, which continued to expand and then billow skyward in ugly black plumes. I had heard no explosion, but a serious fire was obviously raging in the south side of the park. Sudden outbreaks of fire in highly-trafficked public places near the nation’s capital tend to arouse rather pitched emotions in this post-9/11 era ... unless you'..re at SFA. For at least 25 minutes, no one seemed to notice that Six Flags was burning. Dispatches in Gotham City continued apace. Even as Roar was completely shrouded in smoke, Joker'..s Jinx, Batwing, and S:ROS stubbornly rumbled on. Only when smoke reached the helices of S:ROS itself did the thought seem to occur to someone vested with decision-making authority that maybe the last 40 minutes of the day'..s operations would have to yield to the conflagration now consuming who-knew-what beyond Coyote Creek.

The eventual evacuation, if it can even be called that, was carried out with the same lassitude and lack of urgency that had characterized the rest of the day'..s operations. Luckily, the crowd was light, and people made their way back to the parking area with little fanfare and no visible panic. Sky Fox dutifully circled above, but the lack of casualties resulted in surprisingly sparse local news coverage. Apparently the Haunted House, a seasonal attraction, has now collapsed in flame after what remains an unknown source of ignition. No injuries have been reported. For those of us who remember SFGrAdv'..s Haunted Castle fire of 1984, this latter detail is good news, indeed.

Ironically, as people were filing out of the park, Six Flags employees were handing out free passes for another day'..s admission. It seemed to me an odd gesture under the circumstances but one nevertheless well-received by the crowd.

Thankfully, local news is reporting that the fire has now been extinguished and that none of the rides were damaged. The park, in fact, is said to be planning to open at its usual time tomorrow morning. Why not? Considering the rest of SFA'..s landscaping and the local air quality, a smoldering heap of rubble is not likely to stand out as anything unusual. Enthusiasts and curiosity-seekers alike are all encouraged to come out and support SFA as it bounces back from this mishap. If today was any indication, the rides, if not their operators, should be moving like a [haunted] house on fire.
Message updated 9/1/2008 1:18:39 PM by Timberman
coaster05
Posts: 6207
Registered: 2/29/2004

Rank: Platinum Critic
9/1/2008 7:57:41 PM
Wow that was very entertaining and also let me realize I got SFA on a pretty good day a year ago. Even on a good day though that park just seems to be missing something.
Timberman
Posts: 845
Registered: 9/21/2004

Rank: Gold Critic
9/2/2008 8:36:20 PM
We had several good visits last year as well, but the customer service seems to have dropped off pretty steeply this year. Funny thing, though, the rides are running great, so it'.s still worth a trip.
Canobie Coaster
Posts: 2694
Registered: 7/26/2005

Rank: Platinum Critic
9/3/2008 11:27:49 PM
I skipped this park a few years back when I drove by. I chose to see the capital instead. While I'..m upset to have missed some of those pretty good coasters, I just have not heard good things about the atmosphere. This review enforces by opinion.

--------------------
Track Record
21 Wood Coasters
67 Steel Coasters
88 Total Coasters
Message updated 9/6/2008 8:31:15 AM by Canobie Coaster
Timberman
Posts: 845
Registered: 9/21/2004

Rank: Gold Critic
9/5/2008 11:20:01 PM
The atmosphere around the Capital these days isn'.t so hot either. D.C. tends to veer between war zone and Orwellian police state, and if little gets done at SFA, even less is accomplished at the Capital. I'.d opt for the roller coasters next time.
Canobie Coaster
Posts: 2694
Registered: 7/26/2005

Rank: Platinum Critic
9/6/2008 8:32:06 AM
Yeah next time I will be sure to pick Six Flags over our capital, especially since I now regret my foolish decision.
ginzo
Posts: 564
Registered: 7/16/2006

Rank: Gold Critic
9/19/2008 8:21:15 PM
This was an entertaining read. My first and probably only trip to SFA was last summer. The park was oddly slow and the operations were about as described here. But there wasn'.t much to complain about really. It was an easy, stress-free credit run. The only credit we didn'.t get was the Invertigo, which guest relations told us had been struck by lightning. I call this the ".Six Flags curse". because I'.ve only managed to get all the credits at one of the 7 Six Flags parks that I'.ve visited.

Until Six Flags proves me wrong by actually investing some serious cash into SFA, I'.m going to go on assuming that SFA is just one attractive offer away from becoming condo fodder.

hrrytraver
Posts: 1270
Registered: 7/16/2005

Rank: Platinum Critic
9/26/2008 4:50:27 PM
very funny TR. there is a music store just down the street from my office that gives me the creeps in the way you describe walking into SFA. something quietly frustrated and defeated about every single person who works there. it'.s not even corporate, not impolite...just wierd.

brrrr...i'.m shivering thinking about it. i want to reach out and help them too, everytime i pop in to by guitar strings or sheet music.
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